Doric Jokes


Collection of funny Doric jokes from Aberdeen and around Aberdeenshire Scotland



An Aberdonian is in a shoe shop and the assistant hands him a pair of shoes. Puzzled, the customer asks:Fit, fir, fits on fit fit?

To which the assistant says At een on at een, an at een on at een!


Hiv ye seen the Doric tractor play? Ah wouldnae adee, the trailer wis keech! Boom! Boom! Ah thank ye ah'm here aa wikk!

green-fordson-tractor.jpg




Oor Hogmanay and New Year cartoon:

Hangover New Year Cartoon Meme










I wiz blethering awa wi the photographer fae the Aberdeen Press and Journal an asked him if he had taen ony picters o ony famous loons an lassies. He said aye an started tae bleeter on aboot an actor an his wifie. She asked oor laddie if the picters are tae appear in Hello Magazine. Tae whilk he replied:
"Nae lass, it's guan in Fit Like magazine!"

Aye its nae guid that yon joke but if ye think ye can dae better then contact me an I'll add it tae this Doric jokes page. It's looking leesome lane an quearter than Union Street on a charity collection day!



The teacher at Kaimhill Primary School said to the class:

Can somebody please give me a sentence containing the words "love and hate"

Little wullie put up his hand and eagerly replied:

I love het pies!


A lad from Ferryhill was on holiday in Blackpool and chipped his tooth on a bit of rock. Off he pops to the dentist, worrying it may have to come out and he’d have false teeth.

The dentist noticed him worrying as he laid down on the couch and asked him reassuringly “Comfy?”

”Aberdeen” replied our old man!

Here is the Scots translation for this Doric joke:





I mind brawly fin I went tae the auld army careers office up the top lowse i' Union Street tae join the Royal Army Medical Corps. The recruiting Sergeant, a big Gordon Highlander, wis a scarey sojier an barked tae me; “How fit are ye?”

I replied back in braid Aberdonian “Five fit eicht inches!"




Fit’s the difference atween a loon fae Stonehaven an a cactus? Ye can get a drink fae a cactus!



Gotten a sair neb - ah tried tae see if the licht gid oot fin ah shut the fridge door an trapped ma face!










The Drummer Boy


The Drummer Boy is my latest novel about the ghost of a Gordon Highlander Drummer Boy from the Battle of Waterloo who haunts a modern day army nurse.


Chapters take place in modern day Aberdeen, at the Noose & Monkey bar and restaurant as well as His Majesty’s Theatre and Garthdee. Other scenes take place at Tidworth and during the Napoleonic War.


I’ve put in many Doric words and phrases into the novel, my favourite being “Mmm oxters o an Aberdeen loon, cannae beat it!” As with all my novels and short stories (my author name is CG Buswell) it includes the Doric, scenes from Aberdeen and famous ghosts from our area.


Read the first three chapters for free on most devices.